I went out a couple weekends ago to meet up with a friend and have a rare girl's night out. I also ran into a friend I have known in real-life for a long time. Even though I met one friend through blogging and the other is from my pre-blog life, the subject of my blog came up with both friends. I found myself feeling uncomfortable talking about it or bragging about it. When I blog, I am sharing my life pretty openly, with some filters but it seems like someone that can do that can also hold a conversation about it. Instead, I blushed and felt somewhat embarrassed. Like, "Holy shit, they have been reading my blog and probably think I am silly or weird." I didn't know what to say!
Then I was asked if I thought about doing this full-time. Like blogging, drawing and taking photos of cats. I guess blogging is sort of a second job. It's something I do every day and had afforded me certain opportunities but it doesn't have health insurance benefits or a monthly paycheck. That is what my real job is for. There is something I like about working 40 hours a week and having that stability. When I leave the office, I don't think about it until it's time to go back the next morning or Monday. I am somewhat certain that eventually we will have paid off all our debt and I will retire one day.
But my friends saw me quitting my full-time job and becoming self-employed. I guess that is the popular thing to do. I have seen lots of e-courses on it and definitely admire the people that are able to do it. But I have never seriously considered it for myself. I laughed off the question and exclaimed how funny it was that they both asked me the same night the same question. It was hard to picture myself taking that kind of risk.
I had to explain that while I keep busy blogging and doing commissions here and there, most of the compensation can't be put in my bank account. Some of it is paid in feelings - getting to express myself, experiment with creativity, document my everyday life, share with people that can relate, and a community and friendship with my readers. I promote my blog and support other blogs. I am grateful when someone recognizes what I am doing here or mentions me. But there has been plenty of times when I have had to put on the brakes and turn things down. I was either feeling overwhelmed at the time or didn't want to commit. So I guess I could be selling myself more or doing more if I really wanted to. I am not so sure that would make a difference.
How much does this world need an almost 30, plus size cat-lady that doodles on her iPad, wears too many cardigans and talks about her hair? Is there a market for that? My friends seemed to think so. I am not sure if I am presenting an illusion that I am more important than I really am, or selling ad space like hotcakes or that those fucking affiliate links make more than the $1.17 I've made so far. I should have really asked. Instead I shied away from the subject and left it in the back of my mind to ponder over in the coming weeks. Because that is how an introvert's brain works. I am sometimes incapable of a reaction until I have processed it over first.
But I have been trying to process it. Trying to imagine what kind of project I could start that would be worthy of my flimsy existence of a self-employed person. I thought about artwork. I don't see myself as an amazing artist but feel like I have a certain eye and talent that translates into a lot of things I do. Okay, nothing there. Unless an iPad art gallery opens up down the street and a millionaire takes a liking to hanging cartoon-style portraits of strangers on their wall. I like to write. I have fucking horrible grammar though. But I guess that someone could proof-read for me.
So I have been thinking about writing a book or e-book. Trying to decide what it would even be about or what direction I would take. What kind of changes I would have to make so that I could have the time to write. I could certainly still blog. But would probably have to take a break from commissions, guest posts, reviewing stuff, etc. There would be late nights writing. It would take a while. A year maybe? I could do everything myself. Share my process here. These are the kinds of thoughts I have. The creative and technical details. I would draw my own cover and design my book. But do I have to get some sort of special copyright protection? Wow, I don't even know what in the hell I would be writing about and I am thinking way ahead of myself.
I know that I would write something that I would want to read myself. And damn, I am a picky reader. I would definitely want to try and fill a gap. Write something unique and missing in the books out there already. A memoir would be unrealistic and boring. A self-help or motivating book seems like the right direction. But I don't want people to think that I think I am an expert or be responsible for misunderstood guidance. But fiction seems like it comes from another galaxy and not from my brain. I am no great story-teller. And this is where my thoughts end right now as I am typing up this blog post. Does writing a book sound crazy? All kinds of people write books and I can almost see myself as one. I have heard before that if it doesn't scare the shit out of you then you shouldn't do it, because it isn't challenging you. Well, if I do this, I may need to start wearing adult diapers.
- Rachele
21 ♥ COMMENTS ♥:
Guuurrl then go’hed with them diapers! Its human nature to doubt oneself, but it’s NOT a barricade unless WE make it one. Let’s view your statement “not sure if I am presenting an illusion that I am more important than I really am.”Guuurrl, I say no lie every time I post that when I first starting blogging, your blog was the first one that somehow drew me in! And that’s because to me the “illusion” (to use your choice of word) of your blog is your TRUTH and that is what my journey is about...finding truth, and I won’t hesitate to say that that’s what most people (actually ALL people, some just don’t know it yet, but some day will) seek the truth. So put your hands on your waist and swing your left hip and smack that barricade outta your way and go on and strut your own walk like only Rachele can! Now I know I may be babbling here and I may be taking a risk that you may not like long comments either, but hey, this is who I Am and I feel it is important I share all of this with you, it’s just up to you what you do with it and that’s okay. I just gotta do what I feel I gotta do. So let’s go on to your next statement (and I’ll make this quick since I gotta get ready for my skydiving jump this morning). “But I don't want people to think that I think I am an expert or be responsible for misunderstood guidance.”First off, YOU are your own expert! It’s your life right? So then who can be a better expert than YOU!? So take your pretty little self or should I say pretty little fat self and get a steppin’and grab your dreams by the balls, squeeze hard and don’t let ANYTHING stand in your way, not even YOU! Rachele, it’s because of you and your blog that I feel comfortable using the word fat. And just one more statement I promise! “I can almost see myself as one.”You said it ALL there! Because if you truly see it...you WILL achieve it! So keep on swing your hips and smacking them barricades outta the way! So there you have it...my most sincerest heartfelt thoughts. Hopes it helps in some way or another. Gotta go now and get ready for that dive from the sky wooooohooooo! Tootles!
~SimplyyMayra
P.S – I’d definitely buy your book and tell everyone about it!
http://goo.gl/I8wkZ
It's tough, I feel the same way as you with regards to being self employed, for me, things like drawing, and blogging are fun pursuits. I always want to be able to be authentic, and want my blogging time to be stress free and motivated by nothing but my desire to be part of the blogging communist and share my life/have a scrapbook of my life. I often find, when something fun becomes a job, it's no longer enjoyable. I used to be a video games writer, for example, and when I quit that, I actually didn't play any games for a long time due to the amount of fun it sucked out of it for me. In fact, my blog is the first writing I've done in a long time and I'm STILL not gaming as much, and I quit games writing in 2008. That's my experience, and my personal perspective.
However, I feel that you have a great writing style that's enjoyable to read, and I'm a sucker for self help book. It's definitely a scary prospect, but let's look at it this way, if it goes tits up, what's the worst that can happen? Is it possible in your job to take long breaks? I know that some employers will allow you to leave for anything up to a year and keep your position filled by temps until you return. That way, you're kept secure if self-employment isn't right for you. Or, alternatively, if that isn't an option, with your current skill-set and employment record/references, how easily would you find another job? If you don't feel you'd struggle too much, then what have you got to lose? If it goes wrong, you could always return to regular employment and at least you could say you'd done self-employment, had that life experience, and it wasn't for you. Heck, it may even *improve* your long term job prospects!
I'm rambling and I've written you an essay. Sorry! I hope I've helped in some small way anyways :)
Okay, I admit that I didn't read all of the other 2 comments completely but I think we are on the same page: You should go for it. I find your blog fun yet seriously realistic, quirky, cool and inspiring. I think you should write about what you know. Hell, you have over 1500 followers...you have room to express yourself, you have room to grow and you have to room to become the person you were meant to be....but you don't have room for doubt. Get writing!
I can totally see a book coming from you and reading a review about in Bust. =D I enjoy your writing and I like your writing style. A self-help or more like an Empowering Handbook from you would be awesome! I don't see how it would be that much different from what you do on your blog - which we all love!
I admit I have many dreams and one of them is to just be a blogger and sell my jewelry and live comfortably doing so. It's wishful thinking I know and I do have some hesitations, I get burnt out now and it's not even my full-time gig, I don't know how some people do it. But it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders about your blog and your art. Keep it up!
this is such a great a post! i think a lot of people feel this way, that blogging is then turned into a job where you can make money, but it doesnt have to be. if it is then great but if you just like doing to to connect then that is awesome too. i do it for both reasons. i do want to be an artists and work for myself so i try to promote myself in that way. i am not sure if i am doing a great job at it but i am trying and doing the best that i can. i think if you want to write a book then do it. if it ends up making you some money and you grow into writing many more books, awesome but do it only because you want to not because you feel you have to. either way i would enjoy reading what you wrote, even if you were just to share it here on your blog. it could be a little series or something.
xo,
cb
I really like doing it to connect. I see it more like a hobby then I do a job. I could totally see you taking off with your artwork and everything. Heck, you seem to be doing a lot right now! The tattoo designs you are doing are really amazing.
I think writing a book appeals to me because I just want to see if I can do it. Not really looking to hit it big or make loads of money. Wouldn't complain for sure though! But would love to be able to say that I tried to write a book!
To answer one of your questions (which I assume is a rhetorical one but still), the world definitely needs people like you blogging and writing. I know I have certainly benefited by following your blog, especially by the posts on accepting your size. I think that's something every one of us battles with (I know I've had my share of troubles), and your posts put a lot of things in perspective. Thanks for that. When you do write a book, I'll pick up a copy in a second! :)
Priya
Sunshine Over The Mountains
OMG! That would be crazy! Thanks for the encouragement!
I know what you mean about feeling burnt out. I am not sure I could keep myself motivated enough to make it as self-employed. It works for me having a normal job and doing this.
Yes, ma'am! Thanks for being an awesome cheerleader :)
Hello! I am a new fan of your blog & I must say, I'm beyond inspired by what I see! I think you'd make an excellent author. I also think it's quite interesting to read this post because I've been thinking & brainstorming book ideas myself. I've always wanted to write a book -- I'm more a fiction-writer myself! I'm excited to read more about your journey & will definitely be frequenting more more often. :)
I definitely love my job and want to keep it. But I think I can do both! Thanks for the push! I am glad you are still writing too. It sucks how something can get tainted when you feel too much pressure or get worn out from it.
I love your long comments! You always make me smile. Thanks for the motivation!
My humble opinion: yes, we need people like you and we need blogs like this so angry folk like me don't blow things up everyday. Also, I would totally buy a book written by you - unsolicited advice - I think it should be a motivational/memoir type thing about fat acceptance and moreover, self-acceptance. I would be into that.
Adult diapers haha. Silly. In my opinion, you are beyond wonderful. I, myself, and I am sure so many others love hearing what you have to say. You are a huge promoter of self-love and we need more people like that not only in the blogging community but in every community. You are fabulous and can do absolutely anything. I would read and buy and I am sure love any book you wrote. Oh, and I am a grammar freak...I can help you. haha
I am the same way when it comes to talking about my blog. I've been doing this for four years, it's a tiny little corner of the internet that I've nestled myself into with a fantastic community, and I LOVE IT, and it's totally a part of my life, but when people "IRL" ask me about my blog I feel so odd. I just don't know how to talk about it.
I think you could do a fantastic job writing a book! I'd definitely grab a copy! :D
Your blog is like none other that I've read; the acceptance that you blog about is so inspiring and contagious and YES! I think we all need blogs like yours :)
I'd love to see you write a book, I think it would be wonderful! I imagine it with lots of your beautiful photographs and drawings...like an extension of your blog but something that could be held and leafed through (haha, yes I know that is super old-fashioned in the kindle age!)
I could also imagine you doing an amazing radio/TV show... I love your vlogs and your voice! :)
Hello Rachel! :-)
Well, I love reading your blog, it's an everyday stop for me! So, yay, thumbs up for the job!
However, I totally understand your concerns about taking it full time. I totally admire those who do that and support themselve through blogging, but I'm not sure how much they really enjoy it. I mean, it's great to make money from what you love, but turning your passion into a job, it takes on the routine and...stops being a passion. Am I right? I don't know... But I think that something is fun when we do it for fun and only fun.... So, keep up the great work and the dayjob, too! :-)
Big hugs,
Dora
do what you think is best for you!! i honestly love your blog. even if we have differing opinions here and there, i think you write beautifully and express yourself in ways that i only dream of! you're a lovely blogger :)
although i haven't known you that long, and i've only blog-known-you a little longer, i think it's pretty remarkable how much you and this blog have evolved and blossomed over a short time. it's for that reason, it makes me wonder where else you're gonna take it. doesn't mean you have to take it there... but you definitely could.
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