I have talked about how it is hard for me to make and keep friends before. I don't think it is anything new for women my age and bloggers. It seems like the majority of us are shy and make online friends much easier. Mari sent me a link to another blogger that also has the same problem. I am not discounting the relationships I do have but I yearn for that everyday buddy. A bosom buddy that I can hang out with on spur of the moment and have tons in common with. We would figure out which Sex and the City character we are, dye our hair the same color and go on photo-taking trips. We would sit for hours and crochet and thrift our little hearts out.
The mister thinks I expect too much and will not be able to fulfill my friend fantasy. But for him, it is different. He has at least a dozen guys that he can hang out with any day of the week. I am not saying that my issue is gender specific or that women compete and can't be friends with each other. Because I hate when people say that and I don't think it is true. It is simply my personality that doesn't make the friend-making job any easier. I can be a bitch sometimes, but always with a sense of humor behind it. I am independent and not co-dependent. I can do things by myself and find my own answers. I don't ask for help very often and I am not a big talker. I am also strong-willed and have very specific and strong views on a lot of subjects, like fat acceptance, feminism, religion and politics. Having friends with similar views is important to me, although it may be asking too much. But I feel like I am at a point in my life that I can choose my friends and I should be able to relate to them. I definitely don't want a friend that is exactly like me but if you are going to talk about how birth control shouldn't be covered by insurance and that gay marriage is a sin, we are going to have a problem.
For almost half of my life, my husband has been my best friend. And he does a great job but I don't think he can watch another episode of Gossip Girl with me and is not open to painting each others nails. I totally get jealous of people that have a girl's night out and have these awesome relationships with other women. Does being an introvert mean that will not be me?
I am very grateful for my online friends! I would have never thought I could find so many people with common interests and that open me to new things. There are a few lovely ladies that I have plans to meet up with and a couple I have gotten to know in real life already. I even made a little section in my sidebar for my blogger friends. It reminds me that I am not alone and that they have a special place in my heart. Where else could I get an awesome vegetarian recipe, fashion inspiration or people that care so much? Nowhere! These are the rockstars that I have gotten to know from their blogs or when they leave a comment on mine. I have been adding faces but I am sure I still missed a few. When I started the section, it soon became overwhelming because there are so many of you!
I don't feel sorry for myself or blame anyone. I obviously need to make more of an effort! I need to take a deep breath, put aside my social anxiety and jump into it. I can make a few coffee dates and give more when it comes to my friends. I can't expect people to go all in with me right away. Best friends don't happen overnight. I have some walls I can put down. Being hurt in the past does make me hesitant to be vulnerable again. I hope it will happen naturally and I will have some cool ladies to hang out with in real life.
- Rachele
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