I am not a skinny girl trapped in a fat body. My body is not "extra weight" or over my allotted allowance of size that I was meant to be. I am fat and probably always will be fat.
I have given up on the fantasy. The fantasy of having a different body. The fantasy of being thin. I used to have this reoccurring daydream that I was granted any wish I wanted, and my first one was to be thin and have long hair. Or anytime I saw a flat stomach, I would spend days thinking what it would be like if that was my body.
Now I can draw my own form without looking and don’t project other people’s bodies on my own. I feel like I am finally a tidy package, instead of this tall, fat, awkward disjointed person that I used to be. It took years for me to stop seeing myself as a potential thin person. To stop sucking it in and squinting at the mirror to see what I thought I wanted to see. Now I look at myself naked and I feel like a whole person. I feel like every inch of my body belongs to me and this is what I am supposed to fucking look like.